the sky above my head was positively a summer sky
as the sun settled in the west
and like a brush stroke from a late great artists hand
the blue mixed with the pink
the trees and rooftops looked like silhouettes
feelings and words become wrapped around us
we spoke of french films and how they made us believe in love
you stopped me mid boring sentence, to touch the plastic ring around my neck
‘your glow stick isn’t glowing anymore’
and even though you didn’t know it
you carried my giant heart with you on the bus
and everybody stared at you until you were home.
it was one fifty something a.m and God only knows where the sky was
when I gave you, what I thought was a cinematic romantic speech, no?
told you ‘I am going to go to bed, and when I do I’m only going to think
of you, and no other thoughts. For the whole thirty minutes or so
it takes me to finally fall asleep only you, not another thought at all
so then you will be the last thing on my mind. I bet I can do it.’
but when my head collided with the pillow
I didn’t want to think about you at all
maybe I just wanted you to think about me thinking about you
but truth be told, I tried to think about anything else but you.
And I have no idea why?
i know you think that you can peel away my soul
and see what is underneath
i’m damaged goods that no one wants to carry around
only you, only you do because you’ve realised
that your boyfriend isn’t intriguing anymore
once you’ve shared a bed too long he becomes as boring
as everybody else.
tell me that i am arrogant and you don’t care about me
when you tell me you love me like a friend you do
only love me like you said, i’m f***ed up and your boyfriend is perfect
i hate girls like you, and i do only love you as a friend
because i can see through you, your blood and veins
you make my neck red hot, i can see right through you.
you had braces and flowers in your hair when we first met
that same day i told you you were so beautiful that it hurt
when the sky fell you said it was time i visited australia
i told you i would move there instead someday and that
the sun would wake us in the morning by shinning on our eye lids
we would walk on the boardwalk until the sun abandoned us
i would get used to the sand and you would get used to my accent
we would be one, in sync and for the first time we would understand the world
but then you started kissing girls and i started sleeping in, sleeping in, sleeping in.
i’m tired. i want to go to bed. i want you to come with me.
i want your body heat to keep me warm,
i want my arms and legs entangled in yours.
but right now i’ll settle for –
“Many of us who walk to and fro upon our usual tasks
are prisoners drawing mental maps of escape”
– Loren Eiseley
i am not conscious i am not alive
the sun is proof it shines too bright
it feels far too nice to shine on my arms
walking a distance of 25 light years
i landed on the right frontal lobe of my brain
to swim among the day dreams i have loved then cast away
a dream is not worth living once it becomes reality
and now the sun is burning away pasadena highway
i’ve crashed into the ocean with heart and lung palpitations
i wake up in the night but it’s far too bright – these lights
thank you for the hole in my head, it’s lovely, i like it
but it was an accident and i still love you.